The secret of invisibility

Originally published on my other blog on the 7th of August 2014.

Anne waited patiently at the station’s coffee stand. There was no need to order, Hannah knew that she always had the same thing. “Here’s your mocha - with some extra chocolate on the house.”  Anne murmured her thanks and wondered how much consternation it would cause if she asked for an Expresso and a Guardian instead of her usual Mocha and Telegraph.  “Nice shoes. Are they new?” asked Hannah. “Yes.” smiled Anne “I thought I’d treat myself.” Hannah never, ever missed anything, not even a rather ordinary pair of navy court shoes.

A young man brushed past Anne, without even noticing that she was there. Just as he did every day.  He was tall, black, very good looking and, she was pleased to note, no longer had that stubbly beard. He had clearly realised that the fashion for beards was beginning to pass. He was rather eye catching on this country station. There were still very few people from ethnic minorities in the area and, in his crimson shirt and narrow-cut suit, Harry was as conspicuous as a peacock in a farmyard. He, and his older brother William, had been here since junior school. William had followed his father into the army while Harry was a wonder with technology. He was obviously absorbed in the Observer article on invisibility techniques that she could see on his iPad.

Harry read carefully. He was half annoyed and half relieved that the cloaking technology that he was working on was not mentioned. Relieved because his work had to be kept quiet for as long as possible.  Annoyed because he wanted to be able to tell his mum that he was working for the country’s defence just as much as William. She was a huge patriot and had, of course, named them after the princes. He desperately wanted to tell her who he was working for but she was such a chatterbox, half the town would know in an hour. In confidence, of course.  He was acutely aware that his work should only be shared when someone had a real “need to know”. It was just he felt she was disappointed in him. She proudly displayed William’s photo and medals but when asked about him she just went a bit vague and said “It’s something to do with computers. In London.”

He worked in Vauxhall, in the big building on the Thames that you may have seen in a James Bond film or two. He was more of a Q than a Bond. Right now he was working on the secret of invisibility. How many lives would be saved if their agents could simply walk into places unseen? He stepped onto the train and Anne got onto the next carriage, unnoticed.   Harry was unaware that they would share the journey, just as they shared a destination and an employer but she knew all about him.  The difference is that Anne was a trained agent, the veteran of many missions.  She had already discovered the secret of invisibility. Look ordinary; move around as if you know where you are going, as if you belong. Don’t be too smart or too shabby. If you wish to gain entrance to an office, walk briskly with a folder tucked under your arm. And best of all – be a middle-aged woman. Because you would be amazed at how many people fail to notice one of those.

Inspirations

• The character exercise we did at the last (16 July) Uckfield Writers session making me think about where people have come from and where they are going
• A young man brushing by me on a station platform
• An article on invisibility in the Observer newspaper.

Feedback

• Show, don’t tell – it would be better not to explicitly state “Anne knew the secret of invisibility” – we can figure it out from her following Harry to work unnoticed. Consider storyboarding.
• Consider having Anne as an enemy agent and show her slipping into the Vauxhall building unnoticed. (Own thought – invisible = just another Eastern European cleaner – Tanya not Anne].
• Read it slower.
• Provide copies.